IVF update. round 6 failed. now round 7

So I did my 6th egg collection in October. Got 4 eggs, 3 fertilised, only 1 made it to day 3.

I was so disappointed. I cried and cried when he told me. My e2 levels were the highest they had ever been, my follicle scan showed 7-10 good size follicles. So I was feeling pretty positive, so getting 4 was a huge disappointment. DARN PCOS! Although my one and only day 3 embryo was a good grade 4 quality embryo so Dr still had good expectations. But yet again BFN! So frustrated, upset, confused and devastated. I got really sick that round as well, vomiting , terrible headaches and dizziness as well as a big bloated belly. Frustrating to go through all of that, pay all that money and get nothing out of it.

So now here I am back on the horse. Ready for number 7 (transfer number 11). This time we are doing 150units, so HOPEFULLY we should get some better egg numbers, but terrified of OHSS. Have had a terrible week with Shocking headaches, and hot flushes and nausea, I feel so tired I could sleep all day. I think my body has just had enough, back to back IVF cycles over 2 years, plus 3 laparoscopies… I’m stuffed (emotionally, physically, and financially)

So we think think this will probably be our last shot at using my own eggs. I am absolutely praying for 3 or more embryos. If 3 embryos still don’t work, then I think its time to consider donor eggs or PGS testing.. So here we go again!

 

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IVF here we come again 

All systems go for my 6th egg collection… 10th embryo transfer!!

Hoping to god that the laparoscopy has helped improve my chances of it working this time. I’m a complete emotional wreck! I remember almost 2 years ago sitting in the waiting room for my 2nd egg collection and I met a beautiful lady in there I asked her what number IVF is this for her, and she said oh I don’t want to scare you but it’s my 6th egg collection! My jaw dropped! I remember thinking there is no way in the world I could ever manage to do 6 rounds of IVF- financially, emotionally and physically! 

She was 39, so I was 24 at the time and thought well surely at 24 there is no way I will need 6 rounds. Well somehow here I am, about to do my 6th egg collection, it’s my 7th time going through all the stimulation process (as my first cycle was cancelled due to ohss)… so it’s just been a Long horrible nightmare. 

Now in 2 weeks I’ll be sitting in that same waiting room, being that girl about to do her 6th egg collection! How insane! 

And 10 embryo transfers like come on!!! How many more does one girl need to do to get a baby!! 

I am really really really struggling with this round. Each round seems to get harder emotionally. It’s so much scarier! 

But here I go. Start injections Friday. 

Begging that this cycle works! 

Significant endometriosis 

Well the laparoscopy was well worth it. Dr was quite surprised and said I had substantial amount of new endometriosis growth. so all this pain I am now in was at least well worth it. My dr is hopeful that this will significantly improve my IVF success rate. He also had a good look at my uterus and said it looks totally Normal no reason why I can’t get pregnant. So now it’s time to recover and then bad to IVF we come! 

I stayed over night in hospital and was feeling really good…. Until I got up! Arh that gas pain is awful!! It’s all under my ribs and makes it hard to breathe. But each day will get better. 

Feeling good that maybe this is the reason the IVF attempts haven’t been working. Hopefully this is the key! 

Laparoscopy day! 


So here I am waiting for theater again. This is my 9th laparoscopy. I’m so over all this but then I always say I would do absolutely anything to be a mum, so I guess that means I need to do crappy things like laparoscopies. 

I flew here yesterday. Saw my dr this morning he is very confident I will get pregnant- which is reassuring. Hopefully the laparoscopy helps. 

I always forget to update the blog. But I’m always updating my Instagram if you want to follow. @waitingforourivfmiracle 

Fail again

I’m getting so over writing these posts that are always so negative! Geez when will it be my turn to write a positive outcome entry.

So yes even with 2 embryos put in, its a big fat negative result. I was so devastated and disappointed and angry and frustrated. What on earth is going on!

I’m not giving up, but I know we cant just keep doing the same thing. And if its a numbers game still (7 embryos failed and 2 ectopics) then we need to get BETTER numbers. I get so jealous of the people that get 5 or so embryos each epu. When I only get 1 or 2.

Anyway will have follow up appointments and see what they say is the next plan. Possibly a laparoscopy again….

Sorry for neglecting the blog, ive been doing most of the updates on my Instagram page.

will update when I have another plan.

 

 

2 embryos are on board

Today is transfer day!!! Number 8!

So recap: 5 eggs, 3 fertilised. Now on day 5 its transfer day we have 1 blastocyst with minimal fragmentation, and the other was not quite a blastocyst (early blast) with moderate fragmentation. Then I have another embryo that’s also an early blastocyst but they said it wasn’t viable to transfer today because it has abnormalities, but they will wait and see if it ‘recovers’ tomorrow to be able to be frozen ( HOPE SO!!)

So today we transferred the other 2 embryos. First time doing a double transfer! I’m excited and nervous! Gosh I so hope at least one sticks!!!

xx

Fertilisation Day

I got 5 eggs! I was relatively happy with that given the follicle scan showed 2-9 follicles.

Last night I had a fair bit of pain in my ovaries and back pain. I had a pretty restless sleep because I was super anxious about the fertilisation phone call. I was going around in circles going over possible outcomes. As much as in theory you are meant to ‘put it out of your mind, the outcome is out of your control so no point going through the what if’s.’

No matter how hard you try, when something is this important you are still going to go over and over the what if’s. I was laying in bed praying that I get 5/5 fertilisation. But then I had so much fear I would get a call saying only 3 were mature, and only 1 fertilised!

Then 10am on the dot I called, the results are in. My heart was racing so fast. 3 fertilised, and one half fertilised :S lol So now I’m down to 3. Not 3 embryos, that’s 3 fertilised eggs. Statistics show only 25% of fertilised eggs make it to blastocysts.

But yet everyone (on facebook groups and Instagram- going through IVF as well) all seem to say 3 is great! Am I the only one that thinks 3 is disappointing for a 26 year old, 5th egg collection and super high AMH. I’ve got 8 eggs and 8 fertilised once before, so I guess getting any less than that is disappointing. But i’m still grateful that I didn’t get the phone call that so many others get saying none fertilised or only 1 or 2.

Now I have an anxious few days waiting to see how many make it to blastocysts. I NEED at least 2, and please don’t use the “it only takes ONE” line. Gosh I hear that so often. But this is my 8th embryo transfer so I’m not one of the lucky ones that only needs one embryo to get pregnant. I know technically it only takes one embryo to make a pregnancy, but when you are infertile I need a few chances to get pregnant.

Going into the 2ww with no back up frozen embryos is horrible. especially when you have done this so many times. Also with our amount of attempts we really needed another 3 embryos to TRY, and if they all don’t work then we know that its surely not a numbers game anymore then we can move onto PGS testing or donor eggs. But if we only get one more, that still could be put down to bad luck and a numbers game, which means another whole egg pick up- which is another $6000 … this is just getting insane. 5 egg collections and 8 embryo transfers later we have spent over $40 000, its just too much money, I don’t even know how we are coming up with the money to be honest. Its lot of going without and cutting into our home loan. I find it so unfair that I could pay $6000 and get 1 embryo, but then others pay $6000 and get 5 embryos! I hoped that by egg collection number 5 we would be getting better at figuring out how to get better results.

Arh anyway this is just me venting my feelings, its the most scariest, most stressful thing I have every been through and its been going on for 2 years! This exact time last year I found out I was pregnant for the first time in my life, then just 2 days later I started bleeding, then a few weeks later we realised it was an ectopic pregnancy. I sit back and think if I would have been pregnant- actually pregnant, I would have a little baby in my arms and I wouldn’t have been through hell and back over the last 12 months and I wouldn’t have spent another $20 000.

well that’s me being miss negativity lol

I am trying so hard to be positive that all 3 will make it to blastocysts, but then if they don’t I get so disappointed. Sometimes it’s easier to not get my hopes up.

xx

Egg collection day

Here I am again for the 5th time in my lovely paper gown, party hat, personalised bracelet and sexy knickers! 

I’m feeling ok just sore on my ovaries. This round has been pretty good physically no terrible nausea or dizziness. I’ve had headaches but not debilitating. 

I’m terrified! I’m scared about how many eggs I will get and will they be good quality. This is my 5th egg collection I just can’t afford to keep doing this. I also get soo sick after anaesthetics which is always awful. 

So prayers please! Xx 

grow little eggies!

Day 2 of FSH injections!! Doing 125units of Gonal F.

I’m feeling pretty good. Nervous about overstimulating… but excited to hopefully get more eggs than last time.

I’ve had a bad week with dreaded period pain but that should end soon.  I’ve had a bad headache today and abit of a bloated belly.

Next step is bloods on Tuesday to check E2 level.

Follow me on Instagram if you want to keep up to date 🙂 @waitingforourivfmiracle

xx

infertility rant

screw positivity for a moment. Its hard work keeping up that smile and staying brave. The bottom line is this is just SH*T.

Stay positive. I’m sure it will work out soon. I have a good feeling about this one. 3rd time lucky, 5th time lucky, 7th time lucky. God has a plan. You will be okay, you are strong. You just have to keep your chin up. Try relaxing. Don’t stress Kim, it will all work out.

I pretty much have a smile on my face most days, but I also hate trying to bullshit my way through and pretend like it’s all rainbows and lollypops. I totally get that you can’t let this horrible ride beat you, you can’t fall into a deep hole of depression. But I think it’s fine to be realistic, it’s okay to hate this journey, to cry and yell that it is darn unfair!

In this 2 month break I have had it showed me a glimpse of what normal life is like without the IVF countdown on your mind. I felt well. I worked and I holidayed!

Now I have started again and part of me is excited, its a step closer to my dream. But first it was the endometrial scratch- which was pure hell. Now I have started synarel nasal spray, hormonally induced menopause, I’ve started getting the horrible hormonal headaches and feeling moody, snapping at my poor husband because I’m angry at the world that I have to go through this again.
I have loved going to work, I am one of few people that absolutely loves my job, being a nurse is such a rewarding job. But when I am feeling unwell, or have a pounding headache it makes me frustrated I just want to be able to feel well enough to do the job I love.

Then tomorrow I stop the pill… and for me with endometriosis the next week is horrible. A week of not being able to sleep, rolling around in pain-like I’m in labour for a week. With bleeding so heavy I can barely leave the house. I can’t take anything but Panadol, well I can take panadeine – but that makes me vomit. No anti-inflammatories because that can effect egg quality. So I just have to grin and bare it and get through the week, one hour at a time. I have a going away party on the weekend- which I will either struggle to go and be trying to put on a brave face, or I’ll be at home sad that I missed it.

Then I start the FSH injections on the weekend. This time we are ‘trying’ the higher dose, that gave me OHSS last time. So I’m terrified. I was so so sick with OHSS. I don’t want to have it again, but I need to try and get more eggs. I can’t do this again, I can’t afford to do it again. This will be my 6th IVF stimulation round, and 5th egg collection in 18 months. I will be devastated if I only get a few eggs, I need this time to work.

Anyway, as the title says, this is purely a rant. Getting my thoughts down. I’m just having a bit of a cold feet/scared/this is shit moment. This is unfair. How on earth can some people fall pregnant SOOOO easily, then some take time, then some need a little assistance, then some need IVF, some need a few goes of IVF, but come on 8 goes of IVF at the age of 26!!
And why did it have to happen to someone like me who literally has dreamed her whole life about being a mum. I saw a video the other day of my little cousin running in his sports carnival, he came first and runs over to his mum jumping for joy “i came first again mummy!!” he was so proud, and his mum was so proud of him. I watched that video and just burst into tears, I have been dreaming of moments like that for so long and it is the scariest feeling in the world knowing that this might not happen, or knowing that I need to go through hell and back to get there… when others can just have a good time with their partner and fall pregnant.

I had someone say to me the other day in shock “Are you really doing it again! Have you thought about when enough is enough?” I took a deep breath and was thinking well I don’t have a choice! I am 26. I cannot live the next 50 years of my life as just me. So yes I am doing it again, and I don’t even want to think about when enough is enough. Enough is enough when I have a child in my arms!

So with that being said, I guess I need to suck it up.

Put on that smile and plough through this shit one more time. I GOT THIS. I’ve done it before and I will do it again.